Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Pouring Out

Allow me to do this

Hurh... I really wanna say that I am not a complete person. I am not someone. I am not a super cool leader. I got lots of imperfect in myself. I don't want it to be too.. But it's there. Yes, I do want to change. In the midst, I cried lots even though I am always reminded not to cry. I see I am such a weak and fragile person. I know having these thinking isn't good. I know I should be bold and strong. But at the end...

I found that...

I become even more sensitive,
even more the so-called "insecure",
even more easy to be deceived by evil.

Believe me...
I don't want to end up with this.
I don't want to be so.

Carrying a weary heart... is not what I desired.
Carrying a weary body... no matter how I struggle to shake it off... It's just can't.

With so much records... I wonder how I can just delete it just like deleting the blog?
It's so disturbing. It's too much.
Uncontrollable... I can't tell any words out of it. Because I wanted to hold and settle it by myself.
And it ends up with cannot take off from me.



Dear Heavenly Father,
Father, I want to pray to you...
I believe in Thy Power...

Lord, please listen to my prayer and answer it...
I want to come in front of You to confess to You that my faith is little even when I'm sick.
But this time..
I do really wanna pray by FAITH!

I want to put my TRUST in YOU!

Seriously, Lord...
I believe You will definitely answer what I seek from You.
I want to
pray for my mum.
I want to pray that she will HEAL in JESUS NAME!
AMEN! That's it!

Take away her pain! Take away the toxic! Take away the dirty thing from her!
Make her be a healthy woman! a Strong woman! a cheerful woman!
I believe in Your Power, Lord...



Don't know why. I wanted to start reading Romans since last week. Somehow, it seems hard for me to understand. Well.. Thinking of giving out of it but God persevere me.

First, it's through brother Wei Liang. He mentioned he memorized Romans before. Asking me whether I got memorize or not. When he is talking about that, I was thinking why does he memorize... Memorize means this book means something. "It's precious!" comes out in my mind. So, I go on to read. But still, hardly understand.
Second, I was being reassured again about this book through a morning prayer. Brother Sunny mentioned about Chapter 6, 7, and 8. "I want to read!" My heart talks to me.

*Actually there is some lagging when I'm reading it.. Perhaps, today get a new beginning for this book. Seriously meditate it!